A new year, new beginning, new hope...

Erin and Jose met with Dr. E last week to see where we all go from here. I admit that I was sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear how it went. Would they still want to continue this journey with me? Would they want to continue at all? Did Dr E decide I wasn't a good surrogate candidate after all?

I was so thrilled when I got Erin's text while sitting at the salon, having my friend Mandy doing my hair. We read the text together and I was so happy to have someone to be excited with. They wanted to continue on...with me!! 

Dr E decided to change up some of my meds and was optimistic! He said at our last appointment that the fact that I got pregnant the first round was a great sign. We know my body can get pregnant through this method and we know the embryos are strong enough to implant. He just needed to figure out a better way to support the embryos growth. So, my meds this time around will be a bit different and we're hopeful that will make the difference. 

I have an overwhelming feeling that 2014 will bring the long awaited baby to Erin and Jose and their entire families.

So, here's to a sticky pregnancy and a healthy baby!! 

Forever in my heart...

When I decided to become a surrogate I thought about a lot of things. I thought about carrying a baby that was not my own. The sacrifices of pregnancy for a child that did not belong to me. A natural birth in my home where I would lovingly push a baby Earthside into someone else's arms. How I would recover without a squishy newborn nestled on my chest. I also thought about a failed transfer. An embryo that was not strong enough to implant. I thought about the meds and what they would do to my body, my hormones. I thought about how this would affect my husband, my children, my work. I gave it all so much thought. And I knew it was all worth it to help Erin and Jose become parents. For them to experience my greatest blessings. 

What I never thought about stared me in the face this past week. I never thought about miscarriage. I never thought about becoming pregnant and then losing the baby weeks later. I never thought about the grief and pain that I could experience as a baby slipped from my body. A baby that wasn't mine. One that I was entrusted with. The thought hadn't crossed my mind until it happened. Until it ripped at my heart and brought me to my knees. 

From the second "Embie" was placed inside my uterus for me to protect and grow, I fell in love. I talked to s/he every day. We went to births together and witnessed new life. I bonded with this new life growing inside of me. My wombmate that I had been so blessed to carry and love, even if for a short time. 

And then it was gone. So quickly. I will carry the memory of this little life in my heart forever. My heart breaks for Erin and Jose. It's hard to express the sadness I hold. To lose a baby that is not my own is a feeling I cannot explain. 

I have no doubt that a beautiful and healthy baby will come from this journey. Erin and Jose are beyond deserving and I know they will get their baby. A baby that will have love poured over it every day. A lucky, lucky little baby. 

We'll take the holidays to regroup, spend time with our families, heal... 

We've just started this journey. It's not close to over. Keep up with us on https://www.facebook.com/Surromommy

I have a great feeling that 2014 will bring a sweet baby to two very deserving people. 

Giving Thanks...

I have received so many calls, texts, messages asking if we had any news yet. Everyone is so excited to find out if Embie found a cozy, warm spot to call home for the next 9-ish months. I'm so thankful for all of you who care enough to ask. It's clear there are so many more people invested in this pregnancy, than just Erin and me. More than just our families. Like I said before, there will never be a baby loved more than this one. 

And because you all care so much and already love this baby.....

We still have our blood test on Monday and will then go back for a sonogram to confirm pregnancy, but I had to share this with you all. There are two more tests with the double pregnant lines, but they appeared even lighter in pictures. I couldn't seem to get a good one where the lines showed well with the "pregnant" test...or vice versa. 

But, I think it's safe to say, there's a bun in the oven! 

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!! I certainly was filled with love yesterday knowing that life is growing within me and that this baby will have the most amazing parents. ❤

November 18... The Transfer

Finally the day we've been waiting for!! I woke up this morning excited, really excited. As the morning went on I started feeling emotional. Good emotions, but definitely emotional.

We dropped the littlest nuggets off with my awesome friend, Marsha. She watched them for a bit and then brought them home to our babysitter, Marissa. Marsha's always there like that. To fill in those gaps when I don't have someone for my nugs... Like, also picking the little lady up from school... Everyone needs, I mean NEEDS, a friend like her. But, she's all mine so find another... ;)

We were finally on our way to Irving. My emotions began to surface through tears.  They were happy tears. Excited tears. Hopeful tears. I get to help bring new life Earthside as "a living". And this is no different. Except it's so much bigger. It's an honor to walk the journey through pregnancy and birth with clients, but to actually grow the baby. To birth the baby...my heart couldn't handle that possibility this morning. It was too much....

Our first stop was at my amazing chiropractor and friend's office for an adjustment. (Terry Garcia, for anyone looking for an amaze chiro) She's been adjusting me twice a week for the last few weeks in prep for today. She's also provided so much spiritual guidance through this process and I appreciate her more than she probably realizes. 

Our next stop was the acupuncturist. Erin and I had both read that a session immediately before and after the transfer can increase the embryo's "stickiness". It was my first time having acupuncture done and it was pretty relaxing. (I went back after the transfer for another session)

Then off to Dr E's office! We were greeted by Erin, who had the sweetest "bed rest gift" for me. (I may or may not have already had some of the chocolates...) Natasha, our photog, was there too! We went up stairs, signed in, and then anxiously waited...

Finally, it was time! We were taken back to a more formal room for the transfer. Different from the usual exam rooms. The embryologist came in with a picture of the embryo and explained the thawing process and the quality of the embryo. (It was good!!) 

❤the embryo ❤

Dr E and Nurse N then came in to go over the procedure. Dr E explained that when the embryo actually came in for the transfer that Natasha would have to step out. He said it was because the room was too small and I was only supposed to have two other people in with me. (Chris and Erin were also back with me) So what do I do?? I offer up my hubby in exchange for our photographer. Hey, this is an important moment to be documented. Dr E laughed and said I couldn't really want my husband to go. I smiled sweetly and said, I really wanted the photographer to stay. He agreed to everyone. Not sure if it was my dimples or the fact that he absolutely adores Erin. I'm going to pretend it was me, fully knowing he couldn't resist her.

The moment the embryologist brought the embryo in the room my heart dropped. I felt overwhelmed. I couldn't believe this moment was finally here. And then, there "it" was. There was the embryo on the screen. In my uterus. I just smiled and watched. I didn't know what to say and couldn't fully express any emotion. My heart was full of love and gratitude. Thankful that Erin chose me to walk this journey with her. Thankful that science and medicine can do something this miraculous. 

We go back in two weeks for a blood test and then a sonogram to confirm pregnancy. 

I feel good about it. Erin and Jose are too deserving for "embie" not to stick. 

www.nhancephotography.com

Two more days...

It's Saturday night and I get a text from Erin saying "two more days....".

And, yeah, two more days!!!

I spent Thursday cleaning and doing laundry. Yesterday we ran errands that I needed done before the transfer, and visited with a friend and her new baby. Today I decided to go to a very special VBAC birth...I say "decided", because I'm supposed to be on vacation. But, it's just what I needed this weekend. It was good for my VBAC momma soul. Then Chris and I went on a date tonight. A relaxing evening talking and just enjoying each other. Tomorrow we plan to get the house in order, grocery shop, meal prep.... 

We're just trying to get everything in order for next week. We want to create the most calm and peaceful environment possible for the "embie". We have friends and family lined up for the two days I'm on bed rest. (And I'm really looking forward to laying in bed all of Tuesday, I admit) Chris took off work on Monday night so that he can help with the nuggets. I'm just so lucky to have such supportive family and friends....

My heart races knowing that Monday can be the beginning of a dream realized for a family who has walked a long, hard road. I'm so excited for them. And I'm excited for their future baby. There will never be another baby loved so much. 

Again, please pray for us all. Send positive thoughts. Sticky pregnancy vibes. Light a candle. 

I'll update again. In two more days....

November 12...The date is set!

I went back to the RE yesterday! My final sonogram in the preparation phase. I finally met Dr E, Erin's usual doctor. Just as nice as Dr H, and quite the snazzy dresser! He did a sonogram to check my uterine lining and said my uterus was "beautiful"!! THAT is a compliment I hadn't received before. Haha

Nurse N did a blood draw to see where my estrogen and progesterone levels were. To transfer the embryo my estrogen needs to be high and my progesterone low. My estrogen was in the 400s and my progesterone was 0.5! So, perfect!! 

She explained all the new meds I'd be taking. I stay on the estrogen patch, the aspirin, added in an antibiotic, and lots of progesterone. I started this morning with my newest regimen. I'm also taking fish oil and a whole food prenatal. Hoping to add back in my other usual supplements in the next few weeks.

SO, THE DATE HAS BEEN SET!! November 18th at 3pm. If you're so inclined, we'd love all the prayers, well wishes, positive thoughts, and sticky vibes you're able to send. Think about Erin, their sweet embryo, and me on Monday. Light a candle. Whatever you can do, we'll appreciate it! 

I plan to take it pretty easy over the weekend, leading into the big day. Some house cleaning and meal prep for the following week. I'm to be on bed rest through Tuesday and then taking it easy rest of the week. Currently lining up friends and family to help with my nuggets so that I can relax, rest, and focus on "embie" sticking. 

Chris is coming with me on Monday. As is Erin, Jose, Gina, and our birth photographer, who will be documenting the entire journey through film and photography. (Natasha Hance for all you birthy photog people.) Check her out here.... www.nhancephotography.com

I'm so thrilled the day is nearing. It makes the meds seem like no big deal to know I may have a squishy, little wombmate soon!! 

November 9...Girl's Night Out

I decided that before getting "knocked up" I should plan a night out with my girlfriends. Dinner at a yummy Italian restaurant, dancing, a night of letting loose and enjoying the amazing ladies in my life. The ladies who have supported me since I decided to become a surrogate, the ladies that will continue to love and support me as I walk through pregnancy with my sweet surro baby. 

These are ladies you'll probably hear about over the next several months. So, I will add some pictures of their gorgeous faces! 

My gorgeous midwives. Kaitlyn on the left and Gina on the right.

Marsha. One of my favorite friends and neighbor. 

Recognize this face? Yep, it's Jayme! Fellow student midwife.

Alyson. Friend, babysitter, photographer  extraordinaire.

Lynne! Super sweet friend and my favorite makeup artist!

Bethy. One of the sweetest women I know!!

LOL...silliness at the end of the night!! This is my beautiful friend and fellow doula, Pam.

Dancing the night away! My good friend, Jessica, on the end joined us after dinner for all the fun stuff!! 

It was such a fun night and I was so, so, so happy I had this night out. Chances are these girls will show up in my blog again! 

Now!! On to the pregnancy!!