Saturday, November 15, 2014

Surrogacy.... Happiness and Heartbreak

As I sit here 33 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy, who will get to meet his parents in weeks, I'm left reflecting on this journey... On surrogacy as a whole. 

In a surrogate group I'm in, a fellow surro still doesn't get that positive pregnancy test, a week after their transfer. It reminds me about the heartbreak. The sadness, disappointment...

With every transfer you hope so badly for your Intended Parents that it will be successful. That in a few days you'll see two lines on that pregnancy test. That in two weeks you'll get a high beta. And that the beta will double with every blood draw. But when you don't, it breaks your heart. 

We haven't had a failed transfer. Both times were successful, but the miscarriage the first time around was just as heartbreaking. To know that embie nuzzled in and then slipped's more than the heart can handle.

Surrogacy is a beautiful thing. But it doesn't come without sadness and heart ache. Most of these parents have gone through fertility struggles, many have endured illness, disease. They have fought long and hard for a precious baby. With every transfer it's a possibility of getting that baby, that family. That dream. 

Hope. Faith. Promise. Love. That's what keeps them going. And the surrogate who also puts her heart, and body, on the line. She walks in the hope and in the sadness with these parents. 

Knowing I helped one sweet couple realize their dream of a family is surreal. I promised my husband I'd only do one journey (well, as many transfers as it took for a baby), but I admit.... This surrogate may not be ready to retire.